Check out my review of Blackout Haunted House 2012!
On November 6th, after an extended run of sold out nights, Blackout Haunted House finally closed its doors. The urban legend of haunted houses became real for a ton of brave New Yorkers, tourists and people from all across the country and the world. But some weren't brave enough to venture into the darkness and others ran out of time. Well, that's where this walkthrough comes in.
Yup, I've been reading your comments, e-mails and tweets and everybody wants to know what the HELL did everybody experience at the Blackout Haunted House that made it the most thrilling, exciting and demented haunted house. Let's now pull back the curtain as I unveil MY EXPERIENCE of this best haunted house in NYC.
You can read my review and the Facebook page or the Twitter feed of others who went through it. Everybody had different experiences as it progressed. Josh and Kris changed a few things throughout the run and probably went extra Guantanamo Bay during the peak Halloween period. I went around the middle of it, during a press night where only a few brave intrepid reporters braved the haunt. I'll admit, I have forgotten the order of the events that I experienced but I'll do my best to give you a step by step walkthrough of each part of the experience. I also have to say my mind is a bit clouded and I've kind of forgotten a few things that happened. It's a mix of time that has passed since mid October and the fact that I'm not good at logging the events and get pretty caught up experiencing it.
As I said in my review: "Blackout Haunted House is the haunted house other haunted houses are afraid of." Now would you have gone to this?
- The black partition separates you from the start of this 20 min or so insanity (it feels devilishly longer than it actually is). Josh pops from the screen and guides you inside.
- You stand in complete darkness for what seems to be 2-3 minutes waiting and waiting and waiting. It's an agonizing wait until Josh gives you a paper thin surgical mask which you put on. "Do you have asthma?" "Do you have epilepsy?" Josh asks. I shake my head no while saying the words.
- You enter a room that has the glow of a flickering TV that splashes Poltergeist light. Seated to the left is a large woman, dressed in one of those medical outfits they give you for a checkup eating a cup of ice cream. A metal folding chair sits in the middle of the room in front of the TV. In silence, I'm pantomimed the universal sign to sit down. I do. I stare at the TV and back to ice cream lady. It must be awesome ice cream. I suddenly feel my hair being touched from behind. It seems another escapee hotty mental patient I didn't see likes my awesome disheveled hair. Ice cream lady moves her chair next to mine and gets really cozy with me. She puts her head on my shoulders and smiles. She grabs my hand tightly and I now see what's in hers. HANDCUFFS. She slowly puts both handcuffs on and I'm pointed into Room #2.
- In Room #2, its deadly dark. I step as carefully as I can in the pitch black darkness but I figure I'm not leaving this room until something happens. I now get the feeling I'm not alone and quickly somebody pulls up my handcuffed arms and have attached them to some sort of rope. Now a wraith-y misfit is touching me on my arm, neck and head and I can't see where it's coming from. A balloon pops. I'm a bit startled. What sounds like a metallic ladder crashes down and I'm startled a bit more. You know that jumpy feeling you get? Well I got that. I'm then untangled from the rope and I see a flicker of a flashlight and a man dressed like a doctor grabs my arm. I see he has a big fuckin needle and unrolling my sleeve, he plunges the needle down (Vincent Vega style) into my arm. Of course it's not real but has a psychological touch that hits me hard. (I HATE FUCKIN NEEDLES!). I'm now escorted via mild shoving to the next room.
- In Room #3, I see a chair and am told to sit down. I'm also handed a flashlight powered by some weak ass batteries. Also, goggles are put over my eyes. I scan the room with my flashlight and see nothing. But slowly, I see a figure. A Nosferatu like shadow creeping across the room, my flashlight making shadows into a silent horror movie. This room seems like a weird dream room, nothing really happens but it felt like the artistic portion of the program. Soon the figure dissipates and I'm grabbed by a somebody and shoved into Room #4.
- Well I should have known that was the lull before the storm. Because shit's hitting the fuckin fan. I'm now grabbed and thrown against a wall and told to put my handcuffed hands against it. Now facing the wall, I'm yelled specific instructions to take 10 steps back and I proceed to do that. I start counting in my head. 10....9...8...7... BOOM! I'm grabbed from behind and a hood is thrown over my head. I'm told to kneel down and now I can feel the sticky, wet grimy floor and then suddenly water is being poured over the hood. Yes folks, the rumors are true. I'm getting fuckin WATER BOARDED. Water is coming from every direction and I'm getting soaked. I start to breathe a bit heavy as the surgical mask and the hood have limited my breathing. I'm sure people call safety at this point but a bit of the waterboarding ain't gonna make me say it. My attacker calls out my name (which kind of shocked me but I guess this is Josh's way of personalizing the experience for the jaded viewer) and tells me to scream. I scream as loud as I can. I'm told I scream like "a fuckin pussy". "Scream louder!!!" yells my torturer. I scream louder. I'm called a variety of expletives and am told to scream louder. I do. It finally subsides. Told to stand, the hood is taken off and now I'm mildly mouth raped. Yes folks, MOUTH RAPED. Somebody is inserting their possibly unsanitary fingers into my mouth. After that brief oral gagging, I cough and dry heave a bit and the handcuffs are finally removed. I'm now told to go upstairs (or is it downstairs?). Its a bit foggy with the mouthrape and waterboarding having traumatized me a bit.
- A Blackout HH guide asks me: "Do you want a light?" She holds up a glowstick and I say "Yes". She holds it out, then says "Go get it!!" and tosses the glowstick near the opening of a dark tunnel. Wet, still sucking in air and a bit weary, I grab the glowstick and make my way through the tunnel. I start remembering some old Jennifer Jason Leigh TV movie called "Buried Alive" and remember the dark tunnel in that. The glowstick is my only light source and I start crawling through the narrow tunnel. I try to move as fast as I can when my leg is grabbed from behind. I can hear above me some laughter and the loud footsteps of the man above me. I finally see the end of this freakin tunnel and make my way out.
- Here is where I got lost. I believe I was told to go downstairs but I think I was a bit disoriented on where to go. I do head down some stairs and enter the TV room again. After getting some better instructions, I'm told to go to the infamous "Care Bear Room".
- Ahhh the infamous "Care Bear"/"Rainbow" room. The room has been called that as there was a bit of color and it had the most light from the previous rooms. I'm told to sit in a chair as a woman in a hospital gown creeps closer, whispering somebody is out to get her. She slowly approaches me and then stands to my left. She grabs my head and tells me to "Pull the string" which is dangling from her you know what...fuck it. Her fuckin pussy. I grab and pull it and she makes the most wonderful moaning noises. Now fully out, I can see it's a tampon. Yes you again reader have read that right, a fuckin BLOODY TAMPON. Now she tells me to put in my mouth and suck it. No use with arguing with her and I do, just barely. She suddenly jolts to the door and tells me to get out. At this point, I have the bloody tampon in my hand and figure I have a souvenir.
- I'm now guided into a bathroom and see quite a sight. A medium built man is whispering in my ear. What's most disconcerting is the man is entirely naked. His bait and tackle are hanging out for me to see. He starts mumbling things into my ear, I can't remember exactly what it is. He then proceeds into the toilet stall and closes the door. I now can hear heaving and the excruciating sounds of vomit upheaval. It's as disgusting as it sounds. He then opens the door and tells me to grab a key in the toilet. I hesitate and stare at the bowl looking for a key but I can't see one. My left sleeve was rolled up (from the crazy injection) but in the midst of my germaphobic nature I forget and dip my right hand into the toilet and feel for a key which I finally find. It's the first time I felt kinda disgusted but know this all can't be as sanitary as could be. Now guided out of the bathroom, a Blackout attendant asks me which hand I grabbed the key and I say my right arm. I see a bucket of water and she tells me to wash my right arm and my entire sleeve is now drenched. Good job to the jaded viewer. I'm just making it far worse for myself than I think this should be.
- I now enter the final room where I see a completely naked woman with her ankle chained to the floor. She starts pleading for me to free her and starts telling me "he will be back soon". I get into panic mode and grab the lock on the chain. I start putting in the key and try to free her but it's not working. My brain is freezelocking and I start believing I don't know how to open a lock anymore. But it seems the key is too big and doesn't fit this lock. A sense of panic hits me as I keep thinking naked black man (from last year's haunt) is about to enter the room filled with vicious rage as I try to free "his victim". She then directs me to a bucket filled with water near a sink. She informs me to check the bucket. I'm a little weary about this bucket and I now fear anything filled with water. I sink my right arm into the bucket and look for a key and find it. I head over to naked lady victim and proceed to open the lock. She grabs my hand and we start making our way to the exit. I'm going to free the damsel in distress! I'm the final guy! I look back and she disappears and I'm shoved violently out of the house as a man yells "Get out of my house!"
- The End
- The few spectators waiting for their turn look at me and I look at them. I'm soaked, tired and my face is half smirking and half terrified. I've just survived Blackout Haunted House and I silently say in my head "Fuck yeah!"
I'm not sure how many people went to Blackout this year. Probably way more than the previous 3 years combined. I'm curious as to how many people SAFETY-ied. Did Blackout keep track? It would totally be cool if they did. Speaking to the crew, they said it was around 20%. I still have so many unanswered questions and one day would love to meet my fellow survivor club members and anybody else who went to Blackout.
Oddly this little torturer's paradise has brought people together in one of the weirdest way possible. After reading the comments and Facebook messages, people are proud to be part of Blackout club. Like in Hostel, you're part of an elite group, survivors of the baddest haunted house in the country.
You probably told your family or friends what happened to you and they didn't believe you. You tell them it's the truth and they probably said: "Haunted houses can't touch you or do that shit you just said!" You reply: "But I signed a waiver!" It all sounds made up but YOU know it really happened....and so do a thousand others.
You're a survivor. And I'm proud to call you a jaded viewer as well.